Year End Round-Up

New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Sign up for London Triathlon in August
2. Train for – and indeed complete – London Triathlon in August
3. Send manuscript of Kilifi to agents
4. Secure literary agent
5. Read at least one book on philosophy
6. Read at least one book on psychology
7. Stop letting heart rule head so much
8. Be a glass half full person and NOT a glass half empty one (nobody likes someone with a half empty glass – FACT. Although half empty is, I suppose, somewhat better than completely empty. Sorry, I digress.)

Yes, that sounds about right. Stopping smoking should also be in there, but hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? And there’s quite enough there to keep me busy for the next year...oh alright then.

9. Stop smoking (or at the very least start thinking about it).

It’s been quite a year one way or another, and I can’t say I’m all that sorry to see the back of it, though perhaps that’s unfair given that I’ve actually come on in leaps and bounds since the dreaded Break Up a year ago. One thing I have done is learned an awful lot about myself – I always suspected when the chips were down I’d come out fighting, but imagining a situation is quite different from actually living through it, and I’m pleased to say that fighting does indeed seem to come naturally to me. That’s not to say I can’t be a right little misery when I want to be, but I’ve found that I can only wallow for a finite period, after which I begin to bore even myself, so I inevitably pull myself out of the quagmire and move forward.

Other things I have learned about myself since TBU: I have a really quite astounding capacity for partying that regrettably (for my liver and other vital organs) still shows little sign of abating; I have a rather worrying obsession with getting old, as evidenced by my ever increasing stockpile of facial serums and other lotions and potions (though oddly enough the worry has not yet been elevated sufficiently to put an end to aforementioned partying. For now, the two co-exist in an unnerving state of equilibrium); I’m actually not half bad at being single (although I do spend significant amounts of time wishing I wasn’t).

This year I have done the following; gone skiing for the first time ever, attended both the Isle of Wight festival and Glastonbury festival, been a bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding, spent four glorious days living it up a la Kate Moss in Majorca, joined a netball team, written 50,000 words of my third novel, dated more than my fair share of boys, lived way beyond my means, made lots of new friends, laughed a lot and cried a lot. I have also done a good deal of thinking and procrastinating, in fact I’m starting to believe I could be a serious contender were both these things turned into Olympic activities.

With all this in mind, as I look ahead to 2009, my twenty-eighth year on this Earth, no less, I see that my primary focus must be on action rather than inertia, moving forward rather than jumping on the spot. To start this process off I have agreed, with more than a little trepidation, to sign up for the London Triathlon along with the CEO of McDonald’s – my thinking being that if I can achieve this I can, in all certainty, achieve anything I put my mind to. The race is in August, which means I have eight months to transform my weak and flabby frame into a lean, mean fighting machine capable of climbing mountains and lifting cars with my bare hands. Or at the very least swimming 4k followed by a 10k cycle and 2k run. Whether this is achievable I really couldn’t say at this stage, but what I will say is I’m keen for the challenge, so why not give it a go? (Er, certain death?)

Now I’ve laid bare my intentions where fitness and literary creativity are concerned, it’s time to turn my attention to the one topic I find most difficult to address; matters of the heart. In the past twelve months I’ve had more romantic encounters – favourable and not so favourable – than you could shake a stick at, and whilst my current status remains the same ie voluntarily (but not always happily) single, one thing I know is I’ve learned a lot about what I am and what I’m not looking for. Or, more specifically, what’s good for me and what is categorically not good for me. Not that I’ve exactly done the right thing where those situations that aren’t good for me are concerned, it must be said. In fact, it seems up to now I’ve learned little about ridding myself of those people who make me feel both insecure and unhappy. But now’s the time to turn a corner and write off all that’s gone before. New year, new start. From now on I plan to put myself first, and not waste my energy on trying to help people who quite patently can’t (or won’t) be helped. It’s a pointless drain on one’s emotional resources to continually try to make something right when ultimately, for whatever reason, it just isn’t. I suppose the bottom line is this: fate may or may not play a part in bringing two people together, but when all is said and done it shouldn’t be a constant battle for them to stay together. If there’s more uphill than down dale, or you feel you’re always treading water and never actually reaching your final destination, then no matter how much it hurts you have to accept it and move on. Which is exactly what I plan to do.

Life’s a funny old thing, but in the words of Baz Luhrman (yes, I am still somewhat tragically attempting to put the mysteries of life into context by quoting from a 1997 pop song):

Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long. But in the end, it’s only with yourself.