Detox/Retox

The wedding on Saturday was fantastic - absolutely perfect. In spite of the dodgy forecast the sunshine held out for the open air ceremony at lunchtime and subsequent pink champagne reception on the lawn. Really couldn't have been happier for my lovely friends, they both had a ball and rightly so, they'd put so much hard work into making it a day to remember. Funniest memory would have to be at about 3am on Sunday morning when the bride slumped to the floor in her wedding dress clutching a handful of peanuts, drunk as a skunk but steadfastedly refusing to go to bed because she didn't want the day to end! Bless.

Needless to say, Sunday was a struggle. Aside from the hangover and inevitable post-wedding blues I was feeling blue for reasons of my own - hadn't expected the wedding to throw up so many negative emotions surrounding my break up, though I suppose with hindsight that was naive of me. It was always going to be hard seeing my best friend get married first when we all thought it would be me. Unfortunately this unforeseen sadness set the tone for my week, and there have been more than a few tears, in particular when I was watching a programme on Africa the other night which made me realise how much I miss it out there. Still, that's a separate issue really, and I know if I want to go back to Africa I can do it anytime, just not there, to His family home. Just wish I could get him out of my head once and for all - sometimes it feels like I take two steps forward and ten steps back in my recovery. One minute I'm ticking along nicely and the next it hits me like a slap in the face and Bam! I miss him all over again, as if it only happened yesterday. Doesn't help that I sometimes see comments he's made on my friends' facebook pages (facebook IS the devil, I believe I may have said this before) as if nothing were wrong at all. I guess in his life nothing is wrong anymore, though I still find it hard to believe he cares about me as little as it seems. No point crying about things you can't change though, must get that stiff upper lip back into place and move on.

In other news, have this week attempted a detox to rid my body of the toxins that have pervaded it for most of my adult life (and a hefty chunk of my childhood too I'm afraid to say). Thing is, in light of the length of time I've been systematically abusing my body for, I'd say four days isn't really sufficient to get back on track! Better than nothing though, and it was quite a revelation cutting out booze, fags, caffeine, dairy products, fizzy drinks, chocolate and refined carbs. Might have had a slight tumble off the wagon on Tues night when I met a friend for sushi and succumbed to chocolate mousse and two cigarettes (oops) but otherwise made it from Sunday through to Thurs evening and am really quite proud of myself, though I realise this makes me sound like a total lost cause! From now on I will try to carry the healthy ethic forward as much as possible, for I have no desire to send myself to an early grave (though the way I've been living my life of late may suggest otherwise..)

Have some holiday coming up but as yet no idea what to do with it. My best friend is keen to join but can only do a long w/e, so am now thinking of breaking it up into two long w/e's somewhere nice and hot. Alternatively I could do something really wacky like a week long writing retreat, or a spot of travelling on my own, but I'm not sure I have either the time or inclination to sort something that ambitious at the moment. It's all about the rest and relaxation, am in dire need of a proper rest.

In spite of my reservations am still looking forward to my trip to Wales to see the Glasto boy, will be quite strange spending three days with a virtual stranger but I know we'll have fun, and his positive (23 year old - bless!) outlook on life will hopefully go some way towards restoring my mental balance! While we're on the topic of 23 year olds, the Original 23 Year Old from way back in March will soon be returning to Blighty from his tropical holiday, so time will tell whether the 'champagne date' I have been promised ever comes to fruition. Something tells me not to hold my breath on that one.....One person I'm slightly more hopeful of hearing from is the guy from Henley who I met a few weeks back. He texted me a couple of weeks ago asking if I wanted to go for a drink, to which I replied yes, but he then went to Barca for a week so fingers crossed I'll hear from him upon his return. Surely one of these days I'll stumble across someone I actually like enough to take things further? All I can do is leave it in the hands of fate, one thing I'm fast learning is that there's no point trying to make things happen, life works in mysterious ways and good things come along when you least expect them. And bad things too, unfortunately, but hey - better to have a positive outlook on life than a negative one. If you don't know what's around the corner - good or bad - then you may as well expect it to be good!!