Advice to Myself: Never. Go. Back.

Last night I did something bad, and texted two people I really (REALLY) should not have texted. Unlike on previous occasions, I can't even blame being under the influence of any mind-altering substances at the time; I was stone cold sober and completely in control of my faculties. So why did I do it?

Okay, first and foremost let's establish that this isn't the end of the world. Neither of the people in question are ever going to feature prominently in my life again (one of them never featured prominently in the first place - to be honest I think I only texted him as a fall back in case the other one didn't reply. And now neither of them have. Brilliant). It was a moment of weakness from which I can move on. And you know what? In a funny kind of way I actually feel better for it. Allow me to explain why...

In our post-gym sauna last night, my friend admitted having initiated a meeting with her poisonous ex last Friday. To spare her blushes and avoid boring you with the details, I shall give you the briefest of backgrounds; they were together, on and off, for a number of years and he has proved himself on numerous occasions to be an immature, selfish, cheating, possessive, all-round nasty piece of work (though I'm afraid to say she would still, to this day, defend him to her dying breath). When I asked her, for the umpteenth time, why she had requested the meeting, she said simply: "I just had to see him again, so he'd tell me to my face he didn't want me." On the face of it this sounds nothing short of tragic, but the more I've thought about it, the more I've wondered: Is there really anything so wrong with seeking re-confirmation of the status of your relationships, even when you know the outcome will be negative?

I've been thinking a lot about the person I texted last night in recent days/weeks - even though he was never going to be the love of my life, it's clear I have unresolved issues where he's concerned, although I appreciate that probably has more to do with my own insecurities than with him. The more I thought about him, the more I was tempted to get in touch, just to see if his reason for ending things really had been down to the stressful period in his life that he attributed it to. And after the conversation with my friend I suppose I wanted to put my theory to the test. I knew deep down he had moved on, but somehow I needed confirmation of that, and now he hasn't replied (I admit it's only been a few hours, but I'm almost certain he won't) I feel resigned to the fact we have no future, not even as friends, and I have to move on. For good. Which is okay. I mean, it's not as if I haven't done it before, and in a far worse scenario than this.

All too often women end up feeling the demise of a relationship is somehow their fault, when the reality is there's nothing they could have done for it to turn out differently; for whatever reason, they simply weren't suited to their partner in the long term. Upsetting though it is when relationships come to an untimely end, the key thing we can do is learn to walk away with dignity; hold our heads up and know our own worth. What's the point in chasing after someone who doesn't want you? They've moved on, and so must you.

Now, where's my phone? I think it might just be time to delete some numbers....