Monkey Mind

Today (in spite of the grey sky outside and a very slight hangover) I feel cheerful. It seems, for now at least, that my latest period of introspection has come to an end. Not that introspection is a bad thing - far from it. But if one spends all one's time looking inwards then one can find one's normal life drawing to somewhat of a halt!

I am also feeling clear-headed. Focussed. I know with absolute certainty the things I want to achieve in the immediate future: finish my first novel and submit it to agents, and spend some time reading books that will further my intellect, rather than those that will dumb it down even more. So it's out with Belle du Jour and in with The Accidental Buddhist, which I must admit made me feel very intelligent when I opened it up on the Victoria Line this morning while everyone else in the carriage had their noses buried in crumpled copies of Metro (that wasn't a very zen thought, was it? Have a feeling the Buddhist teachings may be lost on me, but am determined to persevere in my quest for enlightenment).

Last night I went to my best friend's flat for dinner. There were four of us. We ate chicken casserole and panna cotta with raspberry coulis, and we drank white wine with notes of white chocolate and apricot (or something like that). It was lovely. Really lovely. And it made me realise how important friends are in life. So much so, in fact, that several glasses of wine later I was texting furiously all those friends who I've held particularly dear this past couple of weeks, to let them know in no uncertain terms just how much I love them (this is the point at which someone should remove my phone from my grasp, turn it off and return it into the safe confines of my bag, something that rarely, if ever, happens - more's the pity). Oh well, I suppose telling people you love them can't be all that bad a thing...

In the throes of my contemplative misery earlier this week, I neglected to mention last weekend - a sacrilege considering I had one of the best nights I've had in ages. Went to see Pendulum at the Brixton Academy and danced my socks off - afterwards we danced in my friend's living room until 6am, so reluctant were we to accept the night was over. It was brilliant, one of those rare occasions when you really do just lose your inhibitions and let go. There should be more of those moments in life.

This evening I am kicking off the bank holiday weekend by meeting up with two of my fellow volunteers from Tanzania, neither of whom I've seen in over a year. We're going for tapas and will then no doubt drink and laugh ourselves silly. Simply cannot wait. Then tomorrow I'm going to take my mum's car for a spin - have been missing driving so much and just fancy spending a couple of hours by myself, music blaring, windows down (weather permitting) and wind in my hair!

Am hoping they won't mind me quoting them on here, but two of my good friends made some really lovely comments yesterday after reading my blog entry. The first was the lovely S, who said:

Now, not that that this will necessarily hit the nail that is happiness on the head for you, but on the off chance it works... this morning as I got onto an over crowded bus, and the sun was shining through the window onto my face I put Green Day on my Ipod, carelessly stumbled onto Good Riddance (Time of your life)... and for 3 minutes and something I felt exquisitely happy... ... I think it is all because the words make you think that life is just a ride, we shouldn't take it all so seriously because in the end it's right and worth it all the while! ; - ) ...

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

The second was C, who said the following (and, for the record, made me cry. In a good way. Sort of):

My mum always said "what's for you won't go past you" and I truly believe that. I think that so long as you believe that love is something that cannot be manipulated, "found", looked for or forced, but that it just happens, that it'll find you and (here is the key) that if that love wants to go or leave you or you want to leave it behind, if it is real love, if it is meant to be for you then it'll come back and you have to be confident enough in that thought. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be. Simply put I guess it means fate and I believe in it 100%.

I couldn't agree more with either of those sentiments. And I hope you now see why I love my friends as much as I do. :-)